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“The union of two people in
heart, body and mind is intended by God for their mutual joy; for the help and
comfort given one another in prosperity and adversity….not to be entered into
unadvisedly or lightly…” adapted from BCP,
p. 423
The Commission on Marriage and Blessing has been charged
with developing resources for catechesis with couples and communities of faith
relating to pre-marital/pre-union counseling and to help congregations better
understand their role in fostering godly relationships “characterized by
fidelity, monogamy, mutual affection and respect, careful, honest communication,
and the holy love which enables those in such relationships to see in each other
the image of God.” (General Convention Resolutions D039, 2000 and C051,
2003)
The development of such resources (and the identification
of extant resources) is a major component in the ongoing work of the CMB — work
that we have only just begun. For example, we are currently working on ways to
include same-gender couples in pre-marital workshops (see below), and we are
always on the lookout for articles, books, and other resources to pass along to
clergy, couples, and congregations. Such resources will be added to this website
as they are developed and/or discovered.
In engaging the task before us, the
Commission on Marriage and Blessing celebrates the intention of the Episcopal
Diocese of California to support and bless both same-gender and heterosexual
couples in godly relationship, while hoping for the day when ‘marriage equality’
will be the reality in our Church and State.
Resources for Clergy & Couples
There are several programs available to assist clergy with
counseling couples preparing for marriage/union. One of the goals of counseling
is to provide couples with tools for building and sustaining their relationship.
Some of those programs currently used by clergy in the Diocese of California are
listed below:
Prepare–Enrich – Requires clergy to attend a one-day
training session to become familiar with the program. There are different
inventories, depending on the circumstances of the couple. This program can be
used for people who are already in union and are seeking help to improve or
reestablish their relationship. The inventory surveys 11 areas and provides the
clergy and couples with starting points for
counseling. While there is no inventory specifically designed for same gender
couples, the inventories provided are general enough for adaptation with same
gender couples.
Couple’s Workshop
– Bishop Andrus has encouraged CMB and leaders of Basics4Marriage to work
together to create a program open to all couples. (A team at St. Paul’s
Episcopal Church in Walnut Creek created Basics4Marriage, similar to the
familiar Engaged Encounter workshop.) We are striving to have a pilot program
completed in time to offer a workshop in 2008. The one-day format would be
designed to be used in conjunction with, not in lieu of, individual
clergy/couple counseling, and would provide couples with tools for enhancing
communication. In this model, while those leading the workshop make
presentations to the group, the discussion that follows is between each couple,
not in a small group. Stay posted for updates!
Resources for Congregations
There are two parts to
resources for congregations. The first involves education for the congregation’s
own preparation for hosting same gender blessings and the second involves
supporting all couples in their union/blessing.
In his October 2006 letter to
the clergy (see page 9, herein) Bishop Marc wrote
“since the entire community benefits by our continuing discussions about
Christian relationships of fidelity and love, and since such conversations can
reduce possible misunderstanding in the congregation, I urge you to initiate
such important discussions in your communities long before couples present
themselves seeking a blessing.”
The CMB encourages
congregations to engage in study regarding same gender relationships.
Congregations have successfully used book studies to open conversation about
homosexuality and the blessing of same gender couples in holy union. Such study
will also help gauge the response of the congregation to same gender unions. We
suggest one or two presenters to facilitate discussion over a four to six week
series.
The second task of the
congregation is to support all couples in their unions. Borrowing from an
idea in Dignity USA’s Couples Ministry Resource Guide, your congregation might
develop a pastoral team for holy unions. The team would be made up of clergy who
fill the role of pastoral leader and lay couples who would be partners
in commitment. With this model, the clergy assume responsibility for
counseling and preparing the liturgical rite with the couple. Partners in
commitment serve as mentors —couples in
longstanding, committed relationships to share experiences and ideas with the
couple preparing for a rite of holy union. The partners in commitment would
continue to support the new couple through their first year of union, and
hopefully for years to come. The pastoral team might also be responsible for
creating and planning a yearly retreat for all couples to explore and deepen
their relationship.
Please tell us of other resources to consider for this list.
Check out our Bibliography for more resources.
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